and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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