I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
