can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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