He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
