The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
