It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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