i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
