i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
