I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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