Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
they're like a gay fantastic four
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
