There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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