I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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