Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
