My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
