she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
