grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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