the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
