Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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