walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
