Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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