He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
