she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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