i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
