Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
