fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
