I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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