That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
