Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
