I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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