i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
