Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
