my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
