Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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