I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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