woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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