Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My room smells like vodka and shame
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
