"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
