I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
