Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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