Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
