I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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