i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
