he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
