By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
