what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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