When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
