i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
