I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
