And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
