Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
