True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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