How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
