Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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