I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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