Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
