last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
