I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
