who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
