The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
